I’ve always wanted to wake in my own tv show or anime and find out that I’ve gone back in time. That I can redo all of the things that I felt needed redoing. I even have a list of things I would change just in case my story used amnesia as a plot device.
Obviously, it never happened. But as I look back on those events, I feel glad that time travel isn’t a thing.
I accept my past as it is because it’s apart of my identity. And as a college student, identity is something that becomes very fluid and hard to really grasp.
A big part of my identity was the event that pretty much shook my life. My eventual flunking out of school.
Honestly, that first letter from them saying that I was in danger of flunking felt so fake. I checked the address and even checked my email to make sure. And yes it was for me.
It’s not like I didn’t know that my excuses to start this essay or go hang out with so-and-so helped caused this. But I was so hard in denial that I just brushed it off and went back as if nothing ever happened.
Now I look back and think that it was great that I flunked. I was young, thought a 3.3 GPA in high school meant I was smart, and I was so gifted because was in a few gov’t programs for accelerated learning. Nope. I was like everybody else. And now I could start fresh like everybody else.
I accept that part of me because it let me see the forest for its’ trees. Now I’m not a jaded person, but I am a little bit more grown up.
So I welcome, encourage, and accept all challenges because I want keep growing.
The Clueless Ronin